Hot July Nights

It’s a beautiful night. The setting sun is shining through the window preventing darkness from seeping into my room.  I am listening to the vocals of my favorite bands, one right after the other, while I am going through the manuscript edits my editor handed back to me. I humbly go through my edits, feeling a mix of pride and depression. I knew my shortcomings, I knew my strengths, but I always get so anxious during this part of the publishing process. I feel so anxious because I am so close to the finish line that I can see it and taste it. However, there’s still so long to go between where I am now and the finish line, that it feels me with impatience. I don’t know if I posted this already, my memory is hazy tonight, but my release date will be October 29th of this year. I am so excited for it to be released.

I have been on vacation earlier this month and it was kind of a surprise so I didn’t get to do the monthly writing challenge that I planned on. So, I decided to start today. I wanted to make these short stories or poems still connect to my novel series in some way.

so this is a little flash fiction about Matt dwelling on some insecurities. This piece would come before the first novel.

 

Please enjoy it.

Summertime Blues by Britt Noonan

“I am so disappointed in you.”

I know you are. I heard you tell Calvin when you thought I was in the restroom. I know you hate who I have become. I know I am not the same person you met in the sixth grade. I know you have no idea who I am anymore. I know I am asking so much of you for being my friend. I know I have been screwing up lately.

“Why?”

Stop staring at me like this. I can’t take that look anymore. Stop it, stop it, Alex, stop it. I don’t want to do this tonight. Not tonight.

“Why during my birthday party?”

I don’t know. I don’t know. You’ve been ignoring me the entire night. You’ve been hanging with Calvin and I was just sitting on your couch watching you laugh and talk to everybody but me.  I would rather hang out with Calvin, I got lonely.

“I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

Sure, you have. When? When you were flirting with that tall and tan stranger? Sure, you sure missed me.

“Are you going to explain yourself? What were you thinking?”

He called me handsome. He wanted to talk to me. He said I was cool. He wanted to be with me. He showed me attention when even you didn’t.  Even I crave attention, sometimes. Did you forget that about me? Or are you just too busy to notice?

“Whatever, I’m going to go on a walk. I hope he was worth skipping your best friend’s birthday party.”

No, don’t go, please I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I only want you, that’s all I want. You have no idea how much you mean to me. I didn’t mean to make you mad, I couldn’t deal with seeing you flirting.  I want to be the one flirting with you but I know that’ll never be a possibility. I just needed a distraction. I needed to feel attractive and worthy of love for once. That’s it. I’m sorry.

“I’ll call you tomorrow when you are sober. Goodnight, Matt.”

I watch you leave. Leaving me alone in the middle of the street, I stare at the stars overhead. I start to walk home, hearing your words play over and over again in my head. I know it’s me who is wrong. I abandoned your party for sex, I abandoned your party for booze, I abandoned you, the person who means the world to me, for cheap thrills. This has to stop. I promise. I know I have disappointed you but this was the last time I did. For now, on, I am going to change my life so you can be proud of me. And maybe, just maybe, you may find me worthy enough to date. And maybe, I will finally, I can happy. I don’t know if it’ll happen but I’ll try my hardest.

 

Thoughts about writing my novel

What makes a productive writing session? That is the question to ask. Giveb the opportunity to sit down and finish editing my first novel and write my second novel, I had dreams of writing during the day. I thought it would be perfect and everything will go according to plan.

The first week, I was met with disappointment. Not only did I lack motivation but I found myself making every excuse not to right. Now, I did just end a very stressful job that had caused me a lot of emotional and physical exhaustion, and because of that found myself relaxing and sleeping a lot for my body can repair itself.

I since had found a groove of sorts. I realized that the time that everything is perfect in both myself and the environment to write is during the nights from eight at night to one in the morning. During that time, the words just fly off my fingertips and excitement rushes through my body as I picture the scenes play off in my mind like a movie.

However, it wasn’t until I started to play the Ouiji Board that everything just all came together. I don’t play often, but I find if I play once a week, i stay motivated to write every day and since playing, has already made huge improvement in both the quality and quantity of my workload. I think it is due to my own superstitions with the board that just sparks nervousness which is the emotion I need to be fully motivated.

To stay motivated, I take breaks to drink water, exercise, and to eat. I also make sure to watch something light before and after I start writing because it gives me a break from the horror that I am writing. It clears the head of any self-doubt as well.

So what makes a good productive writing session? I think anytime is good. Even if there’s struggling going on, its part of the process and overcoming struggles will lead to becoming a better author. As long there is time dedicated to writing and you use it to write, its a productive writing session. Its when you know when you need to stop or take a break and do so. Its when you realize tricks that you need to stay motivated and taking those steps to complete it.

Most importantly, never give up